Healing for Fractured Fathers (Mark ) | HuffPost
However, he also failed. He failed to bridle his lust and committed adultery with Bathsheba, and later arranged the murder of Uriah. The Bible records David reaping the bitter fruit of his failure. Take inventory of your own life and commit to succeeding rather than failing as a father. David established his marriage on shaky ground.
A marriage without the dynamic of a spiritual relationship is on shaky ground from the beginning. For those of you still seeking a partner for your life, if God wills you to have a spouse, here is some clear biblical advice: David permitted his wife and servants and babysitters to serve as the head of his household. He never took an active role as the leader of the family. His son had no real father figure. David was a great leader in his monarchy, but failed his family. He may not have abdicated his throne, but he did abdicate his home. Today, many fathers have dropped out.
They turned over the reins of the family to someone else. The earthly father in the home is to be a representative of God the father. Another failure by David as a father is that he failed to discipline his children. His leniency led to tragedy. Absalom then took care of his sister. However, David did nothing to punish Amnon. Davis should have acted—Absalom did and murdered Amnon.
Once again, David did nothing. Be A Devoted Dad. But others find it harder. Lucy and her friends explain that their fathers don't know them any longer. And she doesn't want to find out. To these girls, those years are now lost, and while they want to bridge the gap and share the bond shown off in the family photographs around the home, they don't know where to start.
Fathers, too, struggle to know how to stay or re-engage.
- Healing for Fractured Fathers (Mark 9:14-25).
Indeed, the impetus for this research came from a father who followed me to the car after I'd given a talk in Adelaide on teen girls. Just tell me what else I can do to reconnect with my girls. Now, he explained, it was like he was invisible; as if they were embarrassed by him. They greeted him with silence, rolled their eyes at every opinion he offered and eschewed all affection. He didn't quite remember when it started. It crept up on him, and now he just didn't know how to retrieve the relationship he treasured with both.
Put that question to dozens of school principals, psychologists, doctors and researchers and four factors emerge as a possible vaccine against the common fracturing of the father-teen daughter union. Bonding over a passion and participation in sport, particularly gender-neutral sports, is unsurprising, perhaps. So too is the strong bond of fathers with girls, particularly boarders, who want to return to the land and work on family properties.
Showing affection, even when it was spurned, and refusing to step back when their daughter reaches adolescence, feature as the top pieces of advice along the way. But another factor stands out as a red alert to fathers of girls grappling to find their way in this world. Those who demolish an argument posed by their daughters without properly hearing it, or considering it, risk harming their daughter's self-esteem, and driving a wedge between them.
The girls hear a subtext that says they're not smart, that they don't understand things, or are immature.
The Sydney Morning Herald
It's a "putdown", and girls explain two options: Most decide not to share their views again. Tanya questions why she'd talk to her father about her opinions. And I'm not about to agree with Dad and his views on same-sex marriage. Others point to the obvious irony here. Many girls today are being schooled to have convictions, analyse different sides of an argument, find supporting evidence, and prosecute their case with passion and clarity. Fathers support that in the school context, as witnessed by the resurgence in the popularity of public speaking and debating.
They also applaud strong marks for assignments based on research, analysis and communication. They like that their daughters can hold their own in front of the class, and they fork out money for them to be able to do that. Then the girls come home wanting to present their case to their fathers, and they're dismissed. Her group of 15 or so friends are listening to every word. Tanya, 14, says her father could top that. My phone died, which meant Dad couldn't track it anymore.
He thought I'd been picked up by someone! Each of these girls tells her own story; one in which she thinks her father's actions to protect her were disproportionate with what was needed, and out of whack with how their brother or brothers are treated. They're seen as "more vulnerable", "not as strong", even "weaker" than their brothers. Alex explains it this way: Many girls see that while their father is more protective of them, he's often more demanding on their brothers or less forgiving of their shortcomings.
Fathers don't flinch at the suggestion that they parent according to gender.
Indeed, most acknowledge that immediately. Many fathers expect their sons to be better at sport than their daughters, to work harder or to "be tougher". This worries every expert who hears it. Julie Wilson Reynolds, principal of St Hilda's School for girls on the Gold Coast, sums up the disquiet of several who see a new protectionism limiting girls' ability to judge risk, develop critical thinking skills, and even just live life.
Jeremy Roberts Blog
He just has to see her in tears. Asked about the motivation for this, another principal thinks long and hard before answering: They have some guilt over it and they just want to fix things. I take that answer to two other principals, who between them have 60 years of experience in education. They nod their heads in agreement. But across the board, experts warn that treating a girl as needing more protection than her brother can actually lead to her becoming more vulnerable. It starts a belief structure in their heads: Angela White, executive director of the not-for-profit Adolescent Success, advises fathers to flip the issue.
Despite the long list of grievances teenage daughters offer about their fathers, the list of those traits they admire runs to pages.
Many see their fathers as rational and hardworking, organised and calm. They love that issues are less dramatic when their fathers are involved. Annie says if she gets a C-grade in maths, her father will inquire whether she thinks she needs a tutor. Girls appreciate advice without emotion, and most girls consulted for this project also believe their fathers don't push them beyond their abilities.
Trying their best is good enough. That just makes me feel worse. Dad says it's okay if I tried my best. Adelaide-based clinical psychologist Kirrilie Smout urges fathers to try to "coach" their teen girls. There are things that they can't do well yet, and they don't know that they can't do them well because they're teenagers and sometimes they don't know what they don't know.
Research has repeatedly quantified the power of a solid father-daughter relationship. Fathers can raise academic performance; influence hugely who they choose as a future partner; and encourage them to take calculated risks. They can gift them a sense of belonging, a self-efficacy and a resilience for life; and their relationship can be the impetus for learning reason.
Fathers can also teach their daughters the value of saying "sorry", to be brave in the face of fear, and to speak up when they — or someone else — is wronged. They can teach practical skills too, like using a hammer and nail, changing a tyre and a light bulb, and setting up a tent. Mothers can of course also teach these skills, and do; the point is, they're skills fathers routinely offer their sons, that they should replicate with their daughters.
Briony Scott, principal of private Sydney girls' school Wenona and mother of three adult daughters, is one of a dozen experts who recommend a regular father-daughter get-together, such as breakfast every second week, as a way of building a solid, independent bond.