My favorite chapter in this book was the one on forgiveness. Wangerin gives steps to forgiving your spouse, and he said to forgive your spouse you first have to let him know that he's done something wrong or hurtful. Otherwise, the forgiveness doesn't do much. So you have to be open and honest with your spouse when something he did hurt you and tell him that you're hurting because of it, and then you can move to the forgiveness stage. That's hard to do though. But it made me think of all the times I've "forgiven" my spouse for something he did or didn't do, without telling him that I was upset by it, and so nothing is really resolved, right?
I'm trying to be better about talking to my spouse in those moments instead of just thinking and processing it all by myself. This book is so full of insight and is incredible to read. It's easy to read, and it's easy to take breaks from which is great because then you have time for processing and practicing. I highly encourage anyone dating, engaged, or married to read this book. Nov 03, Danielle W rated it liked it. Parts of this book seem to have really good advice, and other parts utterly ridiculous. He has been married 18 years at the writing of this book and has 3 kids.
The book is built on the idea that the marriage itself is a 3rd entity to your relationship and everything you do should be done in service to the marriage. I Parts of this book seem to have really good advice, and other parts utterly ridiculous. I did appreciate his stance that communication is important. The Content of this book is good. I could seeing handing it to a newly engaged couple or a couple needing to know what makes Biblical marriage different from the world's. However there are strange and awkward transitions, pieces of the story or illustration he is telling that is missing and you are left scratching your head.
Not to mention is the overly sentimental and saccharine description of his marriage.
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It goes from Puppy dog sweet to boneheaded ignorance from one chapter to another. Jul 11, Diane rated it it was amazing. Written in the late s by a Lutheran pastor, this book is full of marriage advice, as well as the author's reflections on his own marriage. I found it very helpful and realistic, unlike much of the self-help writing that seems to be unrealistic and overly ideological. I thought that he did a good job of balancing traditional Christian ideas with his own experience to provide solid advice.
Sep 22, Susan Wizinsky rated it really liked it. I bought and read it the day after I married. I'm re-reading it 15 years later. Sep 03, Paige Showalter rated it it was amazing.
This is one of my all time favorite books. I think I love it a bit more after ever read. Feb 26, Lindsey Zitzmann rated it it was amazing. So far, it's my favorite book on marriage. Nov 12, Andrea Norton rated it it was amazing Shelves: It's pretty clear by now that I've read a lot of relationship books. They're my guilty pleasure when it comes to reading. I don't read them seeking help or advice - I read them because they absolutely fascinate me. However, they all tend to say the same thing, just in their own ways.
Be nice to your spouse. Care for each other. Learn how to fight correctly. On and on it goes Wangerin takes it a step further It's pretty clear by now that I've read a lot of relationship books. Wangerin takes it a step further by making you accountable for what you say and do within your marriage. He doesn't just give you advice on how to make a marriage work with your spouse.
As For Me And My House: Crafting Your Marriage To Last by Walter Wangerin Jr.
He talks about the work you need to do as well. It takes two to do this and Wangerin lays that out clearly for the reader. Yes, this is a Christian book about marriage. It does talk about God in the marriage, it has Scripture and there is a tone of Christian ideals in it. It is not overwhelming, pushy or preachy. It does not say, "look to Jesus! You'll get real marriage advice with God included. If that is not your thing, as it isn't for many couples today, the marriage advice is still very sound and applicable Wangerin has a beautiful way with words and reading this book was an experience just for that.
His flow is consistent and easy to follow; his sentences make sense which can be an issue in books like these and he writes with honesty. He has a gift in writing and I consider myself lucky to have found him as an author. Like these books do, the regular issues are covered. A lot of people skip over parts that either don't apply to them or that they've read many times in other books. After all, what can you get out of something that has nothing to do with your life? What could yet another book possibly have to say that's different from the millions you've already read?
Well, a lot, in this case. For me, the adultery chapter is one that I could have skipped as it doesn't apply to my marriage. Yet, I read it, because I knew at that point that I'd get something out of it. With this book, there is something to gain from each chapter that may not apply to you. And if you've read it all before forgiveness, say , read what Wangerin has to say about whatever 'it' may be.
This isn't a cut and dry book of marital advice. It's real, honest and sometimes painful as you're going to examine yourself deeply as you read this one. If you've never read a marriage book before, or plan on only reading one, let this book be that one. It is well worth your time, energy and consideration. This is one I can definitely get behind and recommend to couples that are engaged, newlyweds or in the prime of their marriage.
Dec 30, Beckie rated it really liked it.
As For Me And My House Quotes
More than anything I've read, this book explained what marriage is for beyond procreation and financial stability and how to make it work. Wangerin writes beautifully, and uses a theological framework for what is truly a practical book. He uses examples from his own marriage, many of which are self-critical. These stories avoid the ring of false humility, which seems to haunt the storytelling of some pastors.
Wangerin, who is writing about marriage from a Christian perspective, argues that the most important element in a marriage relationship is not communication, but forgiveness.
- As For Me And My House Quotes by Walter Wangerin Jr..
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I had never heard this idea. It seemed to put words to things I felt but couldn't articulate, which is somehow both exciting and comforting. But in the last sections, Wangerin lost me a little bit. He seems to suggest that if one commits adultery one must confess--but not necessarily to one's spouse.
I find that baffling. I realize some people probably would rather not know, but it never seemed Okay to me to keep something like that hidden from the person most affected. And then, when he writes about abusive relationships, Wangerin seems to draw the line when the abuse is recurring. If a friend came to me and said her or his spouse had hit her, once, I can't see feeling anything but that the person has to leave him immediately. Despite these points where my views are different from those presented in the book, I found the rest of it quite helpful, and it gave me a lot to think about.
Jul 25, Sara rated it really liked it Shelves: This is a truly a unique and refreshing book. I'm glad I muddled through.
Wangerin is an uncommonly thoughtful person and a gifted writer, which is a wonderful combination. The book walks through the various practices that contribute to This is a truly a unique and refreshing book. The book walks through the various practices that contribute to a growing, healthy marriage. He describes the marriage relationship as a third "being" in your house that must be nurtured and submitted to above each spouse's personal needs and desires.
As both spouses care for and serve the marriage, it grows to maturity and is then able to care for and serve the spouses in return. He writes about the power of a marriage to transform, heal and strengthen people in a beautiful way without being saccharine. I particularly appreciated his thoughts about: Overall, I appreciated Wangerin's perspective because it breathed fresh freedom and grace into my view of marriage.
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I would have given it five stars except I found a few of the sections to be a little tedious, even though I do think their topics are important. I won't mention which ones as not to bias anyone against them Mar 15, Eric Zandona rated it did not like it Shelves: Most of the anecdotes are a pain to read because the fights they have are highly dysfunctional. While I'm glad they tend to repair the damage it would be better serve the reader to see what successful communication based on love and understanding on ones-self and your partner looks like.
Our culture is full of example of examples of couple who fight and have poor communication why should I waist my time reading about it. If you haven't thought about some of the topics Wangerin talks about you would be much better off reading. Sex Technique and Sexual Fulfillment in Christian Marriage, Fourth Edition These books have been by far more helpful for my wife and in creating the foundation for open, honest, vulnerable and loving communication in our marriage.
Jul 13, Rosie rated it it was amazing Recommends it for: I think every newly married couple, and every couple embarking on marriage, should read this.
I bet even some couples who have been married for years and still struggle with difficulties in their relationship could benefit from some of the wonderful advice. He focuses the middle section of the book on forgiveness, and the last section on six tasks that a couple needs to work on together for the marriage to survive: If all marriages followed the suggestions Wangerin lays out in this book, we'd have a lot fewer divorces.
Well, I didn't finish it; it was due at the library. I really haven't read a book about marriage before, so I found the initial parts interesting to consider--different personalities and nature complementing each other, celebrating differences, surprises in terms of behavior after marriage. Maybe this kind of stuff was covered in Men Are from Mars and that type of book, I don't know.
But about a third of the way through it became even more old-fashioned and scripture-bas Well, I didn't finish it; it was due at the library. But about a third of the way through it became even more old-fashioned and scripture-based and I wasn't relating to it as much. But like I said, I had to return it before reading the whole thing. Jul 09, Renee Reynolds rated it really liked it.
Recommended to me and my husband by a pastor colleague who described it as his favorite marriage book, this book was a joy to read. Wangerin's gift of prose, pastoral insights, and personal accounts combine to create a book on marriage that is unique and a gift to marriages, both new and old. At times eloquent, at times practical, the book celebrated the joys of marriage, outlined the tasks of marriage, and even addressed the dysfunctions of some marriages in depth chapters on adultery and abus Recommended to me and my husband by a pastor colleague who described it as his favorite marriage book, this book was a joy to read.
At times eloquent, at times practical, the book celebrated the joys of marriage, outlined the tasks of marriage, and even addressed the dysfunctions of some marriages in depth chapters on adultery and abuse. I highly recommend this book for all marriages! Feb 25, Joshua Bailey-green rated it it was amazing Shelves: I don't think there's much on marriage in our day that is more radical than Wangerin's beautiful take on marriage. Want to Read saving…. Want to Read Currently Reading Read.
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Refresh and try again. It is the constant truthfulness, the continued dependability, the remembrance of minor things, which most inspire confidence and faith. Crafting Your Marriage To Last. They don't say "What? So much is in that sentence: The mathematics can work only if each subtracts something of himself or herself, shears it off, and lays it aside forever. Not the whole of me, but only a part of me, makes up the whole of us?
Healing is not a profession but a way of life. Your spouse is not your patient but your flesh. Healing, then, is a task for your heart as well as your head and your hand. It is neither done or done well until it has been well received by that particular hearer. When it exists still in its infancy, we have a choice.