I poured through this book in a couple of days. It was amazing how much clarity it gave me to what I had just experienced. I w I was very fortunate to find this book within weeks of leaving an abusive relationship, in the early 's, shortly after it was published. I was so confused after all the "crazy-making", and severely damaged emotionally. This book launched me into the rapid recovery I needed to get back on my feet for my family, and to quickly identify, and appropriately respond, to this type of behavior in subsequent interactions with coworkers and potential dates.
I shared what I learned with a coworker, and she wanted to read the book because she thought her husband was emotionally abusive.
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- Verbal Abuse Books: Educate Yourself on Domestic Violence | HealthyPlace.
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I was very surprised she thought he was abusive, but no one knows what goes on behind closed doors. She came to me after reading the book, with tears in her eyes, and said she was shocked to realize, as she read the book, that she was the emotionally abusive one! She had been listening to me pour my heart out over the past few months about my anguish over my failing marriage, and reading the book gave her insight that her husband was experiencing exactly the same thing I described to her.
They got into counseling, and now, 20 years later, are still together and stronger than ever. If you have been, or are in, a relationship that often leaves you confused, off balance, out of sorts, worn out or drained, there is a good chance you will find some clues in this book that will help identify root causes, and effectively redefine these relationships to a healthier state. Mar 03, Initially NO rated it it was amazing Shelves: This is a very thorough look at the varying ways people use verbal abuse to gain power. Patricia looks at the main types of verbal abuse, including: This book make a lot of This is a very thorough look at the varying ways people use verbal abuse to gain power.
This book make a lot of things that have happened in my life a lot clearer. It also made the statement that in some ways verbal abuse can have a bigger impact than physical abuse. Verbal abuse that is threatening to escalate into physical abuse if the person does not submit to the other. Understanding that it is not that the person is a masochist it is just that their life and self-esteem has been systematically reduced. Patricia also writes about how verbal abusers can recognise what they are doing to hurt others and ruin their relationships and lives. Really, really worth reading.
Feb 12, Elizabeth Mallory rated it really liked it Shelves: This is another must-read. Even if you aren't in an abusive relationship right now, this helps untangle all the reasons we put ourselves there, and how not to do it again. The stories from other conquerors is so encouraging - you feel unalone.
Help for Men Who Are Being Abused
Apr 10, Shauna Durbin rated it it was amazing Shelves: This is an absolutely excellent read for those who are dealing with verbal abuse. Evans gives a very clear picture of what verbal abuse really is from the survivors point of view. She also gives resources for women who are dealing with this type of abuse. I can not recommend this book highly enough.
If you,or someone you know, is suffering verbal abuse get this book. Jun 23, Dustina added it. It was interesting to hear women say the exact same story as mine. Nov 19, Suzanne added it.
Help for Men Who Are Being Abused: Domestic Violence Against Men and Getting Help
Reading this for a documentary I am producing. Sobering subject that should be more exposed in society. May 28, Allison rated it liked it. Good examples, some helpful stuff. A lot of what to do in an abusive spouse relationship, not so much about when your family or others are abusive.
Verbal Abuse: Survivors Speak Out on Relationship and Recovery
Overall gives you something to think about. Debra rated it it was amazing May 18, Amanda T rated it it was amazing Dec 23, Zinn rated it really liked it Jun 17, Yankeescats80s rated it really liked it Nov 15, Margaret Barrett rated it really liked it May 13, Mkittysamom rated it really liked it Sep 01, Dustie rated it it was amazing Sep 23, Lindsey rated it it was amazing Nov 24, Heidi Sampson rated it it was amazing Apr 06, Jill rated it really liked it Sep 03, Shirley rated it liked it Feb 09, Monica rated it really liked it Aug 17, Erica rated it liked it Oct 07, Christine rated it really liked it Apr 27, Dakota D rated it it was amazing Feb 09, I haven't read this book, but from the online preview at amazon.
I keep planning to get back to it. Evans is my heroine - she helped me identify abuse in my marriage and without her books I'd still be stuck there. Find it on amazon at http: You're afraid that you're going to "crumble" when you feel your emotions fully. Picture yourself crumbled on the floor. Imagine the emotion that put you there briefly - just long enough to give it a name. Imagine that there is a light, love color whatever that color is to you , enveloping your crumbled body. Allow it to put you back on your feet. See yourself stand straight and tall.
Say to yourself, "Now I feel whole. Remind yourself that although all emotion cannot be pleasant, it will always pass. You feel it, understand it, express it safely, and let it go. Always, always, you feel whole.
You can start practicing visualization and perhaps yoga or Pilates, belly-dancing, etc. Rebuilding your emotions is something you can begin now - it will help you deal with "him" too. And I love your visualisation idea, I do use visualisation a lot and this will be a good one for me Hadn't realised that I have been assuming I'll need months or a year to feel the ouch before being emotionally on my feet again, I have been taking it for granted that you can't just hit the ground running.
But I have already come so far on that learning path - that's a benefit of letting the marriage go on long after I knew it was over only because my health didn't allow me to take action, once I knew I had to. I'm already finding myself reacting more spontaneously just since the breakup has been publicly known I do like your real-person manner here. Just looking at your About page, i see what I'm trying to explain about myself: I suspect the process speeds up enormously once I get him out of my hair. We have teenage sons so won't be separate, but I am so looking forward to having different addresses, having my evenings to myself.
No book specifically for the straight-afterwards phase then?
Thinking about it, I suppose everyone's at a different place during that phase, so the 'categories' have to be about what stage of healing we're at rather than what real-world stage. Your thoughts have helped me clarify mine, thank you. I have all the Patricia Evans books and they're great, but "why does he do that" goes more in depth into an abusers mind. It really seems like Mr. Bancroft was describing my husband to a tee. I just left my emotionally abusive 6 year marriage this past September. My ex did the "Gaslighting" thing. I had heard about gasslighting before so I recognized that this is what he was doing.
This is serious manipulation. He did the whole ignoring, silent treatment thing on me too. It seemed he was always angry and felt everyone was out to get him. I am realizing I need some counseling.
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I have been attending CODA meetings. But I know I need more help. Educate Yourself on Domestic Violence. A wife who is abused.