At no point did I examine the non-monetary cost which would loom just as large. At the time it seemed forgone, two demanding careers, two small children and another on the way, two adult lives hopelessly out of control. And while it meant I would forgo a paycheck, not once did I think, at age 33, of what the job market would look like for me in years hence and therein lies my most expensive mistake.
I stayed home with my kids because I wanted to be with them. I had a job that allowed me very little time with them on weekdays and I felt our time was short. I did not stay home because I believed they needed me or that the nanny I had hired could not do a great job. Now, on the downslope of parenting, I have misgivings about my decision to stay home. It would be far too strong a word to say I have regrets. Although I am fully aware that being a stay at home mom was certainly a luxury, staring at an empty nest and very diminished prospects of employment, I have real remorse. The book spoke to me, and my mother and grandmother spoke to me warning me not to tread the path they had taken, leaving the workforce after their children were born.
But the book and my mother spoke to a young ambitious preteen, not a young mother. Betty Friedan or not, I stayed home for almost two decades raising three sons. And on one level I felt like I was short-changing myself, those who educated, trained and believed in me by doing this. But living in the suburbs among women of shockingly similar backgrounds, interests and aspirations, narrowed the scope of people with whom I interacted. In the workplace my contacts and friends included both genders and people of every description, and I was better for it.
Some of this work was deeply meaningful and some of it trivial in the extreme. It is very easy to feel as though you are doing something whether it is sitting on a hospital board or raising funds for a nursery school. Volunteer activities involve a flurry of activity but, at the end of it, those who are running the organization carry on and your job is over.
Being around my children so much of the time gave me the chance to focus on them at a granular level. And I feel fairly certain that neither they nor I benefitted from the glaring light it shone upon us. Helicoptering takes time, and I had the time. Things can become strain after a while.
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He might want to come home to spend time with her, not hear non-stop baby talk from the time he comes home, to the time he goes to bed. Michelle Morton , mom of three, has been a stay-at-home mom for 17 years — so she's seen it all! While giving her opinion in an article on allparenting. You are better off not having any expectations and know that each day will be an adventure — no two days will ever be the same! You will have mommy brain, which means you will feel like you are in a fog and can't ever remember anything What seemed like an easy trade-off really ends up being harder than you imagined.
A mans worst nightmare one could say. All females have them, all men dread them. Women never know when they are going to come on and if not careful, a woman could end a relationship because of them. Unfortunely for SAHM they happen more often than most. There are so many reason why a mother could lose her cool and blow a gasket. A family woman must put up with a lot of stuff.
Especially if she is a new mom or pregnant. Her hormones are all out of whack and things can make her snap very easily. Being home with the kids all the time is emotionally and physically draining. It is normal for a mom to be tired all the time.
A mom is constantly worrying about bills, if her children are being taken care of properly and if they have everything they need, and about all the different things that she needs to do around the house. Worrying about all these responsibilities and more can be draining on a person mentally. Now add on the physical part of mother hood. Having young children is rough, especially babies. The nightmares, the constant feedings, the accidents, into everything.
It can be rough physically. Stress, taking care of your kids and house are not the only ones that can be tiring. When my ex would come home from work and take over kid duty That was time to play supervisor. In an article on babyrabies. She starts off the article by saying:. My son is on the receiving end way too many times. Being a stay at home mom is stressful. There will be a lot times where a mother will lose her temper, sometimes over the smallest things. Something breaks down in the house, a bill is past due, an item that the mother needed is missing or empty and there is no more, their kid does something to push them over the limit, or just won't leave them alone to cool down for a bit.
These reasons are just some of the things that can set a mother over the breaking point.
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Unfortunely when they do finally snap, their child will probably be the one who gets the brunt of their anger since they are around them all the time. This is where the guilt kicks in. Afterwards, a mother will feel guilty for snapping and this is where the presents or yummy treats come in to try and butter the kid back up. In an article on news. It read, the degree of difficulty of being a stay-at-home parent is evident in a new Gallup analysis of more than 60, U.
Non-employed women with young children at home are more likely than women with young childre who are employed for pay to report experiencing sadness and anger a lot of the day. Stay at home moms are easily susceptible to depression because of their life style. Being home all the time, no adult stimulation, no intellectual conversations, cooped up behind the same four walls all the time, this can be a sad lifestyle for anyone.
It is sad, but it does happen more often than you think. Worrying is kind of like stressing. New moms worry a lot about if they are doing stuff right, or if they already have kids and know what they are doing then they worry about how they are going to take care of this new baby while they have how many so other kids running around. Stay at home moms worry about everything. Bills, children, partner, friends. Along with the feeling of being less than accomplished, can come the question: If a mother decides to stay home to raise her child, or children, then she is also choosing to lose out on income.
This is the biggest worry for a parent.
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Budgeting becomes a must, less money to go out and do stuff, and less time with mom and dad because they are working overtime to pay the bills. This can lead a stay at home mom to start worrying about romance and her relationship. Does he still love her? Does he find her still attractive? Being a new mom, she may worry about if she is caring for the child well enough. What products should she be getting for him or her, or what should she do if this happens, or is it ok to start him or her on this at this stage of life?
It can all be a confusing, stressful and worrisome. Heidi Doggett, a year-old stay at home mother, opened up in an article on psychologytoday. I was so used to just doing grocery shopping, diapers and washing dishes that whatever social instinct I had previously wasted away completely. Imagine being home alone all day.
Now imagine a person who does this on daily for months on end, they only leave the house to go grocery shopping and run errands, they don't get to see their friends, and the only communication is from their child who can barely speaks full sentences. Not much of a life right?
This is what a SAHM must deal with daily. Life can get pretty lonely, pretty fast. Yes, they have their child to keep them company, but after a couple hours of being around only someone who can barely form a full sentence, or just babble, they start to yearn for adult interaction. Then when their husband comes home, they are lucky if he has enough energy to eat dinner with them, or spend some time with them before bed, or even help them put the kids to bed. There are some men who work all day, come home and want to go right to bed after dinner, or play games, if they are into that.
The worst feeling in the world is the feeling of being unappreciated. A woman can do so much and never get a thank you or a good job from the people that matter most in her life. Some people more than others. There are some that are fine with it and just move on, others feel miserable and it can dampen their mood a lot. Yahoo answers is a good site to go to if someone needs a answer, or has a question they need answered. One post written by a mom who was feeling overwhelmed with her home life and unappreciated by her husband wrote a long topic on how her life usually is and why she feels this way.
In one example she wrote:. The other night I was cooking, and I realized I had very little oil left so I said to my husband, I'll have to skip on some things I planned to cook. He blew up at me and said," that's b. Just because a woman doesn't get paid to watch her kids, do laundry, clean the house, and cook meals for her family, doesn't mean she doesn't work. Her job is her family and her house.
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Without her, the house would fall apart and not function properly. A little recognition now and again is good for someone who is at home all the time with the kids. It shows them that they are cared about and appreciated. Melanie Fields, author of the article on skinnymom.
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She writes in her article: Having kids and being home all the time will change a woman. If she was once a well-dressed person before her kids were born, had lots of friends, did her hair and makeup all the time, and was always surrounded by friends and going out, well that will all change. Her life will be all about what laundry detergent to use, what to make for dinner, school schedules, and sweats and mom buns will be her now go to for everything. The only friends she will see are maybe the ones that also have kids.
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Other sport moms, PTA moms, or maybe the moms from down at the bus stop or park. Play dates become her new exciting time out of the house. Sooner or later she will forget who she used to be, and she will have to embrace this new lifestyle and the person she has become. Resentment is a nasty feeling. It can happen in anyone and it can end a lot of friendships or relationships.
When a mom starts to resent those around them, it can cause a lot of tension.