Don't be yet another one of us who is scammed by his unethical behavior. Please, the BBB has a review that is incredibly alike my own experience with him, scam alert bbb related site , and hundreds of fellow patients that see this man for who he really is. Pete's son-in-law Tony writes: Pete bought this book for me, and although i do not consider myself a Christian, this has helped me understand my own mistakes in my once failed marriage. My ex and I are now in the proccess of working things out, and I can attribute most of my personal success in making progreess to this book.
A must for the religous as well as the spiritual like me. The scant references to Christ are supportive and further what i believe to be his true message of love and grace. So many of us go through our relationships blind and unknowing of the damage we can cause, with even just simple things. If you tink you need to learn, then this is the book for you! I was especially interested in this book because it combined marital advice with Christian perspective.
What Husbands Need to Know
I was not disappointed in it. I found it easy reading. The examples were worthwhile, illustrating common mistakes couples make. I recommend it for all couples who want to improve their marriage, and especially for those who are contemplating or just starting their marital journey. See all 9 reviews. Most recent customer reviews. Published on July 30, Amazon Giveaway allows you to run promotional giveaways in order to create buzz, reward your audience, and attract new followers and customers.
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There's a problem loading this menu right now. Get fast, free shipping with Amazon Prime. Your recently viewed items and featured recommendations. View or edit your browsing history. Get to Know Us. English Choose a language for shopping. Though the questions evoke valid, even necessary examination of one's potential mates, the sample answers portrayed compromise in relationships in a somewhat black and white tone.
There are gray areas in the maintenance of harmony in all relationships romantic, or otherwise. Some things should not be conceded, i. If you don't have a partner who can agree with certain things, compromising your beliefs can lead to resentment. Also, what exactly constitutes as important, and why must someone relinquish any sentiments of high value to appease another?
It seems counterintuitive to lose oneself in loving someone else. There should be more to gain for all parties involved, otherwise, what's the point? Those are some powerful dunning adjectives. The article was written for both women and men. My writings are notably non-sexist. Can you give me more than just negative prejudice? I'd like to understand your position better.
Why did you pick that article to read out of the more than a hundred I've written in the last four years? Also my ebook on HeroicLove. Shouldn't it say "I've learned it was problematic to Women aren't here to become what men like. We are here to treat each other as equals.
If there's an unresolved issues that lead to rehashing, then that's not just the woman's fault. I asked these questions to my crush and got way better answers than exampled here. He even asked for more of an explination and scenarios. Thank you so much for comments. I deeply appreciate it and the insightfulness in both yours and your crush's feelings and responses.
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I'll answer within your text so that it is more of a conversation. The questions themselves are good, but some of the "great answer" examples are questionable. I grew up in a men's barber shop, so I am very comfortable with both genders and the wide variety in both. That would have been a better intro.
I am writing to a very large audience and it is sometimes difficult to find just the right wording for everyone. It gives my core beliefs as to the most authentic, gender-free, genuinely loving way two people can be together. If you'd care to look at it, I'd love your comments. I've also written over a hundred articles for PT.
At least, and, of course.
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I've been with my husband since we were fourteen and fifteen. Lots of growing up off of, and with, each other. Many changes in the way men and women were then, and now, and I've loved staying current as those remarkable transitions have occurred, at least for the lucky ones who have embraced them. And rehashing is never fruitful. Just think how badly a corporation or an athletic team would do if they rehashed. That means learning from what happened in their last encounter and planning a better one for the future. He even asked for more of an explanation and scenarios. All relationships face hurdles that stretch their resources.
Read here to better understand what may be going on inside. Back Find a Therapist. Fertilization Not Random After All? Are Psychopaths Unfairly Stigmatized? Inequality as a Lethal Disorder. There are plenty of other ways to get what you need. Sometimes I have to give way, and sometimes he does. I would make it really clear how important it is to me, but blame never solves anything. She needs to keep her priorities straight if she wants me to keep loving her the way she wants in return. People need to stick with what they know and what works for them.
Much better in the long run. I hate being separate from her for very long. I hate seeing it when guys wimp out. They just want the prize at the end. Besides, I like guys to care enough to figure me out. Well, not what goes on in my mind. I tell her what she needs to know to satisfy what I want, but the rest of me is off limits. My partner deserves the best of me straight. I like my independence and my freedom. I stay mad until he clearly gets that he owes me one. I like the power. I know that loving someone takes a lot of patience to get to know what is meaningful to them, not just to me.
I do tell my partner that I want her to be open and real in telling me what makes her happy. I want to tell all the women out there who have a similar situation like that the world is not over YET they should dry up their tears and contact this great man and their problem will be gone or are you also having other problems you can also contact Dr Alexzander, here is how you can contact him. Thank Dr Alexzander for everything you did in my marriage.
Thank you for sharing this beautiful story. I wish my husband too we are Muslim could read this book you mention, Shalom Bayit. Does anyone know where I can buy this book? God bless you and may you and your wife be happy always. Whoever you are thank you. This article when I first read it if I had not seen that he had been married for 10 years divorced and remarried I would have thought that This was written about my husband and I. I read it and all I could say was wow. I asked him to read it and all he did was skim over main parts and completely ignore the rest.
My biggest gripe was that he was given other people more time his affections his conversation his presence he didn't care what I need ed. I'm going to get the book. Firstly let me say, I don't know what Rabbi Shalom's book says, I've never read it. But I do want to confirm what this writer has expressed. We have a very turbulent marriage too, almost exactly the same as what the writer describes - the good times, but with the bad times always lurking in the shadows the whole time. I always feel that our marriage is standing with one leg on a banana peel - ready to slip! My husband always claims that he is not a reader, so he has only read a small part of the book too judge where I've seen his bookmarker and our marriage changed amazingly.
Sadly he stopped practicing what he has read and our marriage is back on its banana peel and me crying most of my days. So whatever Rabbi Shalom says in his book, it is true, since I have been blessed to have experienced it for a few blissful weeks. Thank you so much for your article. I have been hearing a lot about this book. My question is, what if the husband is not a believer? If it's primarily the husband who is responsible, and yet he doesn't acknowledge that, can this book help me? He has recently said I cannot teach the Scriptures to our children. Any advice would be greatly appreciated.
By the way, as far as I know, I am not Jewish, but Have discovered the truths and loving commandments found in the Torah about 15 years ago. JJ , November 25, 1: No matter if you are believer or not, men and women are social beings, and follow certain guidelines. Just look at all the societies. Their laws are based on moral principle for the most part, now matter what the predominant religion is in a particular country.
The same goes when marriage interaction ensues. Some work has to be done, but we need guidance. People are quite prompt to discard religious guidance, particularly if they have no belief in any religion. But we must set aside the guilt religion presses on a person. We must focus on the relief it brings as philosophy. I'm a newly wed and olah chadasha in Israel.
My husband is used to much stricter pesach cleaning and has been critical of my cleaning his family would use a blow-tourch on counter tops to make sure to get even microscopic peices of chametz. Its very difficult for me because I'm suddenly feeling completely inadequate as a Jewish wife. It is making our first pesach together a burden rather than a joy which should be the main element of the chag.
Once we were slaves in Egypt, now we should be free, not slaves to pesach cleaning. I dont know how to express this to my husband. I feel so upset and unable to fullfill my role as wife. Dear Anonymous, I just read your post. I'm sorry you've been having such a hard time. I hope you and your marriage survived last Pesach and you'll have an easier go of it this year. In my experience, every family has its own standards and customs for Pesach cleaning. But I think that most countertops that can survive blowtorching without damage are probably made of a material that doesn't require a blowtorch to be kashered!
Then again, my rabbi once told me that the topic of Pesach cleaning is the only area of halakhic observance where you can't criticize someone for going overboard! All that being said, it doesn't really address your problem. You feel that you're "unable to fulfill your role as a wife". But the blame here does not, it would seem, lie with your abilities but with your husband's expectations -- or perhaps his ability to communicate his expectations properly.
You clean for Pesach a certain way. Are your methods objectively halachically inadequate? That's for a rabbi to answer. Can you clean to a higher standard? He married YOU, not his mother! It's your kitchen pardon the sexism ; as long as you stay within halachic parameters, it's yours to clean as you see fit. Then if he still wants to take a blowtorch to the place, after you've cleaned, tell him "gezunterheit!
May your next Pesach be a chag kasher ve'sameach! Anonymous , February 19, 9: Try to get a third-party involved who your husband will respect and listen to. Sounds like your husband is very into Halacha, so get a Halacha rabbi with common sense to speak to your husband. He shall be free at home one year, to [focus on] bringing happiness to his wife. Bringing happiness to a wife is different, however, from simply making a wife happy.
Bringing happiness includes an element of wisdom which the husband brings to the relationship, as well as that of the wife. When they have reached accord, there is harmony. The first thirteen months is 10, hours -- the time it takes to learn a new skill. The skill in this case is marital harmony, which is beautiful in the sight of Hashem.
The entire community is to help the husband in this effort by not placing any other obligations upon him. This sounds exactly like my parents relationship and I hate it. They've been married for over 30 years but I can see how my fathers attitude spoils their relationship. My fathers comments are always selfish and cruel but he never blames himself. I wish I could show him this but i don't have the guts.
I'm scared to marry a man like him. I found this article VERY interesting. I know women who are mean spirited and would destroy a man's heart and spirit. What is the other side to the equation in order for there to be balance in the relationship. It can't be all one sided. Actually, this man has found inner peace for himself and his family.
He is also a nicer person because of it I pray my husband finds this type of insight since he won't listen to me. This is just more gynocentrism from another severely emasculated "anonymous" millennial probably a female feminist. The dirty little secret used to be abusive men in the Jewish community. However, the del dirty secret is the abusive women in our community who, because of like minded abusers, feel enabled to continue their abuse with impunity simple because Abuse both physical and emotional is not limited to either gender.
Pandering to your abuser resolves nothing and enables more abuse. Love is only unconditional under one condition: The issue of "abuse" is the issue of mental illness and until that issue comes out of the closet, and is no longer taboo, there will be no end in sight for abusers of both sexes. Anonymous , January 10, 8: In many ways interesting, I think this article ultimately proposes some kind of martyr syndrome way of thinking - giving respect, for example, isn't about lavishing a person with compliments.. One telling comment is that the husband would no longer question his wife about money Mutual respect means understanding your partner has bad days, conflicting ideas, etc.
If you self-censor, you are ultimately not sharing in what I think is an ideal marriage - one founded on mutual trust and acceptance. It seems to me to be a dangerous approach to put aside disputes and lavish your partner with kindness, supressing your normal communication - instead it would be more prudent to find a more compatable partner. Here is why all naysaying men. GOD ordered you to love your wife. Not berate, be cruel, or such a nasty person that the woman is afraid of you. As then any sexual act feels like a violation.
I am touched by the changes in him whilst I am trying to work out my marriage, can anyone tell me where to get this book online. Similar to the author of the article, i awoke one day to a total breakdown in my marriage. I spent 6 months of hell at home and attended individual therapy, along with countless hours reading etc I've gained much understanding since then, and found I'm changing for me, to be a better person first, husband second and father third.
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My wife has noticed, and she sees it is consistent, and so she is opening herself to me. A lot slower than I'd wish, going from not being able to be in the same room, to holding hands when we fall asleep, in less than 6 months is a wonderful gift. I will be getting this book.
I am not of the Jewish faith, but God's blessing comes from many different sources, finding this article today, was one of the ways He does things. I agree with some of the comments regarding "what is she doing for me", "being responsible for her own moods etc" and there will need to be some changes there as well.
From the article, it basically states to provide a home environment where love exists so she can grow. In some ways a bit sexist, etc, but at the same time, when i look at it, this is what my wife has always wanted. So who am i not to provide this for her? Emotional Stability of Love. As a man I can think or handle two to ten things at once, no problem. Any more, and not so good. My wife sent me an joke. If you ever wanted to know how a woman thinks, imagine a computer with windows open on the desktop. I asked two female co workers about it, and they completely agreed!
There are things I wish my wife does, like cook a childhood favorite dish. She never has, I never communicated that to her.. Yet am angry she does not, How does she know how to meet some of my needs if I do not communicate that to her? Once I create harmony in the home, and her flower starts to bloom, there is no doubt in my mind after discussing it, she'll try to honor me and my request. Thanks for the article. I've bookmarked this page Realizing, accepting, changing and sharing, you've done it all.
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Your wife is indeed very lucky. After reading how cruel another commentors husband became after she showed him this article, I'm petrified of showing it to mine. But I wish I could. I don't laugh anymore. I'm afraid to be happy because he'll say something mean. He takes away things to teach me a lesson. He knows my family is my weak spot like the author and he'll say vile things about my parents and sisters when we're having a fight.
Once we were at a hotel and he threw me out in the middle of the night after taking back the wedding ring and taking the credit and debit card from my wallet. I was new in this country and didn't have anywhere to go. I cook, clean and take care of my husband and stepson. I thought that was enough to earn your partners love and respect. But if things are not cleaned, organized or done to his standards he isn't happy. My family is back in my home country and I haven't told them a word of what I'm going through.
I married against their wishes. It's not always bad. When it's good, it's amazing. He is fun, playful and even loving. But it never lasts. It's because of those moments I'm staying on, hoping something will change so those happy moments are more permanent and the torturous ones few and far between. Besides, I love my stepson, in this 1 short year he has become my life. My husband earns a 6 figure salary.
Leah , June 21, 4: Anonymous 74 - this marriage is dangerous! Please seek some therapy! Whether you're new in this country or not does not matter! Please do it god your sake and your stepson's!!! Anonymous , March 30, 2: Please leave this unhealthy mArriage or seek therapy. No women is worth such cruelty. This just doesn't make sense to me. Happiness and contentment cant be derived exterensionally, but only from within. By saying you, as her husband, are responcible for her full emotional well being and ultimately her happiness, its like youre dismissing her ability to have any accountability for herself or her emotional state.
I've been married ten years and our marriage is about the same. But, if our only course of reconciliation is me putting my wife on a pedestal and doting to every little uncomfortablness, it surely wont last a second decade. No, she needs to be accountable for her own moods, her own misery and Or happiness. No, she needs to respect me as she would respect a stranger. She doesn't walk around town snapping her fingers at people, why should she get that at home? James , May 6, 6: I will agree with much of what you said - however I do want to put my wife on a pedestal.
I want to make her feel how she wants to feel and meet what needs of hers I can.
What Husbands Need to Know
However on the other hand, in response to her comments about "not being able to help how I feel", I tell her that while I agree with that, she can control her tongue. She doesn't just get a free pass to say whatever she wants to say just because she's had a bad day, anymore than I do.
She does need to be accountable for her own moods and behavior. I have no interest in being right all the time, but I certainly do not want to be wrong every time either. If she's not willing to accept the bad, then how can she be entitled to the good? The door swings both ways! Anonymous , August 4, 5: I thought this to be a wonderful, wise article, and not just because it sided with the woman. I believe it to be Biblical. However, when I showed it to my husband, he got very angry and cruel. He became very judgmental of the author and of me for showing it to him. I think it took courage for the author to say these things and I would like to thank him.
I would also like it if someone would pray for us. Thank you and God Bless. Hats off to you! What a simple, touching, thoughtful and inspiring way of writing Livin out Loud , February 1, Actually, if you read the same story, as a bystander, it sounds like you have more than half to to with it. My experience is lots of men are detached and childish, and don't have a clue as to what the problem is.
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Usually, they are it! I truly admire your courage to share your story and your determination to change. Your commitment to work towards finding the best of you is remarkable. Your sincerity and emotional intelligence bring so much to the world. Thank you and please continue in the same path of self-improvement and honesty. The books on marriage by Arush are the first Judaic books I will actually return to the store, recommending that they be removed from the shelf. The only thing more disturbing than the fact that they were written is the fact that they are popular.
Please, hold onto your brains, do not read this books! Anonymous , April 9, 5: You forgot to mention whether you're happily married. I have Rabbi Arush's book for women, Women's Wisdom. It is wonderful and full of truth. As indicated by 66 there is more to this story. This is a Torah prohibition besides preserving one's personal holiness. For some reason Aish. How do the rest of you feel about talking about such issues, which incidentally is the cornerstone of a successful marriage?! I'd like to know - Thank you!
If you go to the Breslov site you will see the uncut story The author talks the woman's book, guarding his eyes The Garden Of Peace is a marriage saver! Rabbi Shalom Arush wrote it. I think he's the Rosh Yeshiva of a Breslever yeshiva in Jerusalem. He's written other books to that are all about Emuna. Thanks Aish for posting this wonderful article.
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I have personally benefited from reading Rabbi Shalom's books. Anonymous , May 14, 9: I bought these books for me and my husband, and we both agreed that they were radical, unhealthy and impractical. Really, not for everyone. The author only discusses half the equation because that is all he needs to know.
For some of the commenters, please note that the author focuses his attention on the husband's role because he is one. He has learned to focus all of his attention on loving and honoring his wife. He is guarding his eyes, listening, talking with her family, smiling, growing his emuna, and letting her know that she is the only one for him.
He doesn't mention the duties of his wife because he hasn't read Rabbi Shalom Arush shlita corollary book Women's Wisdom; nor should he. That is for his wife to read. Then, G-d willing, she will learn how to do what she should to maintain shalom bayit. To put it simply, he doesn't need to tell her that the toast is burned when sitting at the breakfast table. But when she learns that she won't be criticized at every turn, she blossoms.
It starts with him. That's not to say it ends there, but that is all he needs to understand for shalom bayit to begin. May Hashem bless the author's home with continued peace and happiness. I lived by this philosophy for over five years and my marriage was miserable. Eventually I realized I had to be more assertive and everything turned around. Now I have a happy marriage. The author of this essay says, "When a husband honors and loves his wife, she feels invigorated and will respond in kind. I would say, "When a husband shows his wife that he respects himself, she will respect him too.
My wife isn't a bad person. I am not a better person than she is. We shared the blame for our problems. But blaming is ultimately not productive -- blaming your spouse and blaming yourself are both unhelpful. Braacha it says actually only comes through the husband not the wife as mentioned in this article - taken from Garden of Eden book.
Man is the giver and has a passion to cherish his wife and when does so, when she allows him to, braacha comes to the home. The wife not accepting compliments, complaining about unnecessary wants as opposed to needs, prevents the braachos coming to their home. The wife's mission is to understand, accept and help her husband - that is why she is called a help-mate! In Bereishis rabb says Man is incomplete and becomes one only after marriage.